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oh boy Apr. 9th, 2005 @ 11:34 pm
it's saturday night. i'm home alone and missing A. she's stuck at a party for her ex, and i'm not allowed to be there. the fact that i can't go to this party shows me that people are fake and fraudulent. not A, but her ex, who is nice to my face, but a hoochie when i'm not around.

i can't believe i am even bothering to get caught up in the drama! so many people are talking smack about she and i being together and i'm getting all bent out of shape about it. drama is the last thing i wanted and i seem to be swimming in it! good lord somebody throw me a rope or one of those donut lifesaving thingies.

all drama pushed aside, i think i've found a very special someone and she makes me very happy. i've been worried that she's not really into me and that maybe i'm just a nice distraction, but the more time i spend with her, the more i feel like i can accept that someone out there really does like me and isn't in it just to f*ck me and leave me.

hmm. i need to go to sleep. i hope mr. sandman comes quickly, i don't want to lie in bed and worry about her forever.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: windows media library

so fitting. so very fitting. Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 07:54 pm
PARENTAL
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Current Mood: flirtyflirty

randomness Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 09:05 pm

So yeah. I finally managed to sign myself up for a livejournal thingy. Go me. And the even better part of it is that nobody else has already taken my username. I just keep winning!

I'm very thoughtful right now. My life has taken a very dramatic turn in the past few days. I've gone seven days without a cigarette; I've gone almost a week without talking to a very important friend; I've managed to save some money by not going out and getting wasted every night...two out of three things positive there. I do miss my friend. I said some stupid shit and she got wind of it and now she won't answer the phone or return my calls. That's what happens when Jake gets drunk. (To my friend: I'm sorry! Please stop avoiding me!)

Last week I started a five week pre-apprentice program. It's really a lot of fun and I think this class is the reason why I've been able to stop smoking and drinking all the time. Sometimes it only takes something as simple as a change in scenery. I'm still in this soggy old town, but my life has regained some of the structure that has been so desperately missing since I started working for the Bucks. Part time work and a fluctuating schedule isn't the best thing for a borderline alcoholic.

So I found the best website to listen to music. www.ministryofsound.com Check it out. It's cool to sit back and chill and stare mindlessly at the computer screen while listening to some great tracks. (How corny is that?)

Yeah. I think my mom is going to die. That is something I haven't quite learned how to deal with. She lives 2000 miles away and I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. Everything went to shit right before Christmas. I have a voicemail from her that she left before Thanksgiving. On that message she sounds like my mom. I keep saving it so I will be able to remember how she used to sound...before she went a little crazy and before the pain set in. I haven't seen my mom in almost 8 years. There's lots of guilt for me around that fact. She's all alone where she is and I feel like it's my fault. But I had to come out here and live my own life, right? I'm not sure what to do and I know the answer isn't going to come to me right now...but maybe I'll call her tomorrow.

Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: www.ministryofsound.com
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